Ivy Bands

Columbia University Marching Band

Dissolved until further notice

Cornell University Big Red Marching Band

The Ivy League’s only non-scramble band (cough FASCIST cough).

Dartmouth College Marching Band

Honestly, we don’t really know anything about Dartmouth…but they’re a strange and foreign culture, so we’re simply waiting for the opportune moment to initiate hostilities.

Harvard University Band

A button from a previous year says it all: “Big Drum, Small Stick.”

Princeton University Band

We love ‘em, but the uniforms keep triggering epileptic fits.

University of Pennsylvania Oxymoronic Fighting Quaker Marching Band

The real question about the Penn band is, with a name like that, do you think they’re trying to compensate for something?

Yale Precision Marching Band

Just like that old lightbulb joke about New Haven, Yale’s band looks better in the dark.